While the INFJ can and does invest in relationships in external ways such as in the practical and material, the INFJs attention is much more attuned and invested in the internal. Above all else, a shared connection of the internal world is the greatest gift an INFJ offers in a relationship.

The main approach to creating this connection is through cultivating harmony with their partner, as the INFJ believes that it will lead to deep connection and fulfilment for the couple. Unfortunately, this core value can be a liability for INFJs if the other person doesn’t share or recognise this value.

INFJs rarely tell you what they need.

Not because they don’t know, but because what they carry is often difficult to translate. Much of their inner world exists beneath language, beneath immediacy, beneath what can be easily pointed to or proven.

INFJs don’t stop being INFJs when they grow up.

Many of the patterns that shape an INFJ adult, like their sensitivity, depth, intuition, and inner complexity, were already present in childhood. They were simply less articulated, less protected, and often less understood.

Everyone has a Mini-Me (aka Inner Child). Mini-Me can be any age and each person’s Mini-Me is unique to themselves. While influenced by their Mini-Me every day, adults are often not aware of him or her. Feelings of fear, anxiety, abandonment, shame, anger, withdrawal, and loneliness are often Mini-Me’s feelings. These negative feelings can originate from experiences and memories in childhood that were overwhelming or not properly processed. These experiences are often associated with the relationship attachment with the child’s significant caregivers.

Unmet needs in childhood, such as inadequate nurture, security, love, attention, and encouragement become drivers of behaviour in adult life. The more neglected these needs are in childhood the needier Mini-Me can become. Whether the Adult self is aware of their needy Mini-Me or not, Mini-Me will do everything they can to get these needs met.

We have already covered the first step of ’noticing’ Mini-Me in the previous blogs. However, to recap, by ‘noticing’ the negative feelings, and how and when they surface, a person can become aware of their Mini-Me and hence their Adult self. Once the Adult can identify Mini-Me, and what he or she feels, the Adult can then proceed to engage with Mini-Me.