While the INFJ can and does invest in relationships in external ways such as in the practical and material, the INFJs attention is much more attuned and invested in the internal. Above all else, a shared connection of the internal world is the greatest gift an INFJ offers in a relationship.

The main approach to creating this connection is through cultivating harmony with their partner, as the INFJ believes that it will lead to deep connection and fulfilment for the couple. Unfortunately, this core value can be a liability for INFJs if the other person doesn’t share or recognise this value.

The INFJ needs to create a space that allows the Ni self to take shape, to shape the INFJ, to shape the world. Like the many paradoxes that make up the INFJ, this space is also paradoxical. This space is in the world but not of the world.

The INFJs most natural state is when they are consciously unconscious: having one foot in the conscious moment and the other in the unconscious continuum. The unsettledness others may feel is likely connected to the unfamiliar feeling felt in the presence of someone who is operating seamlessly in two realms of consciousness. The INFJ can stand in this gap effortlessly; in fact it is where they belong. INFJs occupy these two spaces as one complete space - where the temporal meets the supertemporal.

INFJs rarely tell you what they need.

Not because they don’t know, but because what they carry is often difficult to translate. Much of their inner world exists beneath language, beneath immediacy, beneath what can be easily pointed to or proven.

INFJs don’t stop being INFJs when they grow up.

Many of the patterns that shape an INFJ adult, like their sensitivity, depth, intuition, and inner complexity, were already present in childhood. They were simply less articulated, less protected, and often less understood.

Ni can function in two distinct ways; I call them Top-heavy and Bottom-heavy Ni. While both could be said to live in the unconscious or at the very least mirror the unconscious, Top-heavy (TH) Ni is consciously experienced by the INFJ, while bottom-heavy (BH) Ni acts like a quiet yet powerful guider or influencer. Let’s start with TH Ni.

INFJs process the script of life very differently. A lot of it is unconscious narrative and almost beyond the reach of the INFJ themselves. On the outside they can look like everybody else, however existential eternal type questions are being digested all the time. These questions require the deep in order to process. However the processing in some ways is just out of reach for the INFJ, who keeps one Ni on it at all times.

INFJ’s dominant function Ni often goes unnoticed growing up. This is partly due to being introverted, however it has a lot to do with being misunderstood, missed, and therefore rejected. The outer rejection of Ni by others, can lead to an inner rejection of Ni in the self.